I won't go.

Also copied from my livejournal:


My mother is huffing around because I don't want to go to a performance at the theatre I used to go to. Not shouting at present because she is 'too ill'.

I used to go there until I gave up because I wasn't enjoying it anymore. I was far too busy being worried I would be assaulted again.

Even if he still goes there and is in the cast I see, I would be unlikely to see him. 

I still don't want to go. I wouldn't want to go even if I was the only person in the building.

My mother doesn't know and she booked the tickets after a fair amount of guilt tripping. So "Well, you told me you wanted to go" doesn't hold up because I explicitly told her I didn't. Many times.

She won't just accept "I don't want to" and has turned it into some sort of "Well, next time you want me to go and see something with you…" followed by how selfish I am and how she doesn't want to see anything I want to.

Which isn't true. She's always been enthusiastic about musicals we've seen and my mother decidedly isn't enthusiastic about things she doesn't like.

I am aware that if she doesn't know, she can't do anything about it, ect.

The time I tried to tell her I'd be assaulted (a different time to the above), she told me I didn't know what the words I was using meant. The time after her sister (who used to be my mother's ex-boyfriend's boss) accused my mother's ex-boyfriend of watching child porn, I got yelled at for suggesting that he might because no way would he do such a thing. Admittedly, I didn't think it was abuse that the time but I was 11? 12? She should have known.

So. I'm not telling her.

Even if she did believe me - which since it wouldn't incriminate her in any way is possible, though I'm not sure how the time when I was 13 would either - she'd just use it as an excuse to shout at lots of people, guilt trip me and whine about how I don't trust her.

For the time being, she is going to take her best friend and godson. I'm not allowed to stay here for the weekend when I could go to my fathers and if I'm behaving selfishly I don't get a choice. Now I'm supposed to phone him and explain why I have to go.

I understand that it is hardly a bad punishment but I don't think it should be a punishment. Or, that she could at least deliver her disappointment (anger? It's hard to tell.) differently. It shouldn't be a shock; I told her months ago that I very much didn't want to go.

Edit: My father has refused to have us because he doesn't want to get ill. So, we're staying here.